The Anti-Lunge Pledge
A solemn oath, binding in all gyms, parks, and living rooms across the known universe.
I do solemnly swear, upon my quads and all that is holy, that I shall never willingly perform a lunge again. Not a forward lunge. Not a reverse lunge. Not a walking lunge. Not a curtsy lunge — especially not a curtsy lunge. I reject the lunge in all its forms. I renounce the wobble. I refuse the descent. From this day forward, my knees shall only bend in squats, on stairs, or to pick up pizza from the floor. So help me, Leg Press.